Ryan Spencer Therapy

Is your relationship struggling or has it become stagnant? Has there been a major event (affair, trauma, sickness, life transition, children) that has created distance in your relationship? I work with couples and families to have healthier, more satisfying relationships. 

Here are some of the things I specialize in:

• Helping each individual listen and express their needs and desires more directly
• Rebuilding trust through reducing blame/attacks/volatility
• Talking through blocks to engaging and enjoying physical intimacy and sexuality
• Excavating long standing relational issues that have never been talked about
• Understanding and responding to your partners needs
• Wrestling through deep, complex issues like sex, money, children, in-laws etc…
• Pinpointing the needs of each individual and the couple 
• Helping couples open up and be vulnerable with one another

Relationships often start with excitement and passion and the work to maintain them is easy, then gradually over time and/or abruptly through some major life event couples find themselves overwhelmed, stuck, lonely, frustrated or in despair. Most relationships need help from time to time and living intimately with another can be hard work.

How I work with couples

I have specialized training in couples therapy as well as group dynamics. Together, we will identify and understand the relational patterns that keep you from connecting. I maintain a neutral stance where I work to understand each person’s perspective and help each individual communicate that to his or her partner. I look for barriers that you or your partner may not understand that block either of you from receiving communication and work with both of you to navigate these barriers. Often couples are stuck in a pattern of relating that much like deep ruts in a road restrict movement and channel the couple to the same place over and over. I help couples loosen these narrow ways of relating and help them engage more fully and spontaneously with their partners. We will develop a “road map” to expressing and understanding your partner, being responsive and learning to attend to each other’s needs. We will do this experientially first in therapy and then with practice transfer these new ways of connecting to day to day life.

I am passionate about relationships. A healthy relationship has amazing potential to help us heal, cope and thrive in life. Relationships also have the power to be very destructive and cause long lasting pain and suffering. People learn how to love and be close to others through their families and experience in relationships. People develop a wide array of relational skills but run into trouble when they exhaust their known skills or if stress narrows their functional agility. It is an honor to be let into my client's relationships and is immensely rewarding to find the places where a couple's love for each other is blocked and work together to free each partner to love and be loved.